youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
Randomize
