I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
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