Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
