Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
this just has baby written all over it
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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