Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
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