I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
