Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Randomize
