so that wasnt chicken after all
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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