I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
