I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
You're like the curious george of whores
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
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