If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
