He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
why do cheetos always look like penises
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Randomize
