So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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