So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Randomize
