never play flip cup with pint glasses
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
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