wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
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