I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
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Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
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I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
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