Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
