Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
