I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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