Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
The power of my boobs compel you
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Randomize
