true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
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The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
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It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
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