Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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