She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
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