I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
