My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Randomize
