I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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