angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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