I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
How does one acquire holy water?
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
I DEMAND FORESKIN
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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