the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
