How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
I don't think brook has ever known best
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Randomize
