sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
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