Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
im holly from the hills drunk
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
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