I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Are these your boobs on my camera?
Randomize
