somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
