I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
