Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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