he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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