i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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