i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
He's on the porch naked. Help.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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