You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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