you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
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