3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
