I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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