the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
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