Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Randomize
