As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
