We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
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