found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
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