Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
Randomize
