if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
Randomize
