and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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