I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Randomize
