I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Randomize
