i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
My life is pants optional.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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