I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Randomize
