just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
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