you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
Randomize