The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
