this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
two words: eviction party
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Randomize
