Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
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