I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
I can text with my tongue
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Randomize
