I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
Randomize
