I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
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