for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Randomize
