So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
