The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
I just want nice things and good sex
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize
