i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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