Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
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My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
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Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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