Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
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