Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
