found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
Randomize
