i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
Enjoy the penises
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
