Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
How does it feel to date your dad?
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Randomize
