i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
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