So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
Can you repeat that, but with context?
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
