I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
you had me at cake vodka
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
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