Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
