a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
Randomize
