Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Randomize
